Is This What You Want?
Tiffany hummed along the song that played from the car’s audio, feeling somehow excited to go to work. After she reposted the photo Taeyeon uploaded to instagram, she received a lot of comments. The comments varied from congratulatory comments to bashing comments saying bad words about same sex relationship. But she did not bother the negative comments. If there was something bothering her was the excessive happiness because for the first time after six months relationship she had with Taeyeon, the latter finally opened about their relationship. The smile never left her face since that day until today, while Monday was supposedly be the day everyone hated, for her this Monday was the best Monday in her life because she no longer needed to hide her relationship with Taeyeon.
The car pulled up at the office complex parking lot and Tiffany could not wait to jump off the car. She pulled the door handle and about to off from the car, and that was when she noticed Taeyeon did not move from her seat yet.
Taeyeon turned her head and smiled sheepishly.
“What’s wrong?” Tiffany furrowed her eyebrows.
“I… I’m nervous.” Taeyeon still smiled groggily. “I don’t know how the whole office would react about our picture.”
Tiffany just gave a silent ‘oh’. She felt a little bit disappointed by Taeyeon’s words. By the instagram post they posted two days ago, she expected Taeyeon to be a little bit braver, and ready to accept whatever risk it was.
“It’s not that I want to take back my post or words, Fany.” Taeyeon quickly explained. “It’s just… Are we gonna be okay?” A pair of puppy eyes decorated Taeyeon’s face.
Tiffany let out a soft sigh and reached for Taeyeon’s hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. “We’re in this together, aren’t we?”
Taeyeon looked at their holding hand and smiled a bit. It was a bit complicated from her side. She had wanted to tell people that Tiffany was her girlfriend. That was the only thing she could thought of after everything that Tiffany had done for her. But as a professional, even though the company policy did not state anything related to employees’ relationship, she was still Tiffany’s line manager and it could lead to the suspicion of conflict of interest.
“I know you’re my line manager.” Tiffany suddenly stated as if she could read Taeyeon’s mind. “I know, Taetae. And I also know that people might think that you would treat me differently because I am your girlfriend. But I also know you. You won’t even think twice to scold me if I do something wrong. I know you’re professional.” She beamed her eye smile sincerely and leaned forward to peck Taeyeon’s cheek. “Just keep being you. Everything’s gonna be okay.”
Taeyeon felt a bit lighter at heart after hearing Tiffany’s words.`She took one last long breath before she pulled her hand away from Tiffany to open the door handle. After both girl got off from the car, Taeyeon then locked the car and stretched out her hand to Tiffany, which gladly took by the latter. They walked hand in hand towards the coffee shop in the lobby and soon greeted with exaggerating friendly voice from none other than Chris.
“Hello Tiffany and Taeyeon!” He waved his hand frantically and immediately walked towards Taeyeon’s favorite spot even before the two girls reached the table. “Your favorite menu as per usual?” He asked once both girls were seated in confusion.
“What’s with the extreme attention?” Taeyeon asked calmly while she kept telling herself that Chris would not judge them. She had known Chris for years, and he seemed like an open-minded person.
“Just because.” Chris chuckled awkwardly before leaned forward a bit and lowered his voice into a whisper. “Are you girls serious about your instagram post?” He stared at Taeyeon’s direction then moved to Tiffany. “Is it true? You guys are couple?” He kept his voice low.
Tiffany only dashed her smile and nodded while Taeyeon smiled nervously, waiting for whatever reaction Chris would have after this.
“Oh my Gosh!” He exclaimed loudly making both girls almost jumped off their seat because of the sudden loudness. He then noticed how loud his voice was then whispered once again. “That’s hot!” He winked playfully as he walked towards her counter, to make the order for the girls.
Tiffany and Taeyeon only looked at each other, feeling rather confused with such reaction.
“What’s hot?” Taeyeon whispered, having her brows furrowed.
“I don’t know.” Tiffany stole a glance over Chris, noticing the guy randomly sang some tunes while making a cup of long black for Taeyeon. “That was not the kind of reaction I imagined.” She chuckled and straightened her seat. “Hey Chris!”
The named guy stopped his activity for a moment and looked up at Tiffany. “Yes?”
“What’s hot?” Tiffany asked loudly and it made Taeyeon palmed her face. Fortunately the cafe was still empty and no one would hear the question other than three people inside.
Chris laughed and pointed at Tiffany then Taeyeon. He then made a small heart shape with his hands and winked playfully. Making Tiffany laughed along.
“What’s that?” Taeyeon finally spoke up.
Chris let out another round of laugh before clearing his throat as if he was about delivering such a meaningful speech. “Two girls in love, coming out in a society where same sex relationship is not well-accepted. That’s so brave. And brave girls are always hot.”
Tiffany rolled her eyes in playful manner, silently thanking how the waiter reacted. “I thought, you thought that lesbian porn is hot.” She smirked teasingly at Chris.
“That one is counted to!” Chris winked once again before continuing his task.
“Chris is crazy.” Taeyeon stated as she smiled. She too, also felt grateful for the way her favorite waiter acted. She knew not all people would have the same response as Chris. She could not guess how her whole team would think about her after this. But at least, now she also knew that no matter how many people out there that would be against her relationship with Tiffany, there would also people who support them.
“I am glad he acted that way.” Tiffany reached out for Taeyeon’s hand, intertwining their fingers.
The blonde girl only nodded and smiled, agreeing on what her girlfriend just said.
The usually noisy hall in the office suddenly fell into silence when Taeyeon and Tiffany came in. Taeyeon pressed her lips into thin line before dashed out her usual professional smile. “Morning, everyone!” She greeted the people as if nothing happened. The rest of people in the hall immediately answered the greetings groggily and busied themselves with whatever they could reach from reading the documents, pretending to type in to the computer or making a coffee in the pantry. Taeyeon continued walking with Tiffany when she heard some whispers around her. She could not hear everything but she could comprehend some of them.
“See, they are coming together to the office. So the post was true.”
“Ssssshhh! Turn down your voice! They could hear you!”
“Are they living together? Ew!”
“Bet they had sex already. That’s the benefit of being lesbian, right? No need to worry about pregnancy. Hahaha.”
Taeyeon could feel her chest was burnt into anger as she heard the last remarks but a soft touch at the back of her back, tensed down her anger.
“Don’t listen to them, Taetae.” Tiffany whispered as she gently pushed her girlfriend forward, not letting the blonde to hear more than what she already heard. Once they parted into their respective room, Taeyeon immediately flopped herself on the chair, raking her blonde long hair. There goes my reputation. Guess my team won’t listen to me anymore after this.
Some beeps from her phone made her phone made her groaned, noticing it must be the meeting reminder. She tidied up her hair and snatched her laptop as she walked towards the door. She took another deep breath before opening the door and walked to the meeting room.
“Who do you think play the man’s role in their relationship.”
Another whisper was heard as soon as she was nearing the meeting room. She stopped her step in reflex and turned to the person who just whisper to her friend.
“Was that a question for me and Fany?” She asked the question right away. She did not know where she got the courage.
The asked girl gasped in surprise and smiled nervously at Taeyeon, getting caught red-handed gossiping about one of the most respected leader team in GG company must had taken her off guard. “I-I… was j-just wonder…” She answered stutteringly.
“You can ask to me and Fany instead of asking to your friend. I am sure she doesn’t know either, do you?” The senior manager averted her gaze to the friend who pretended to type something in her computer.
“N-no, I don’t know anything.” The friend answered hurriedly, somehow feeling intimidated.
“See?” She put her stare back to the girl. “So, what is it you want to ask to me?”
“N-nothing, Miss Taeyeon.”
She nodded frantically.
“Okay then. I have a meeting to attend.” She walked away and got into the meeting room. So, I am gonna face this everyday?
Tiffany was in the meeting room already, sitting next to Jessica when Taeyeon opened the door and got inside. They exchanged small smiles before Taeyeon sat beside her, making Tiffany was seated in the middle of her senior and line manager. The board of directors sat across them with unreadable expression.
“Let’s start the meeting.” One of the BOD did not bother to beat around the bush and passed the HDMI cable to Tiffany so the latter could connect her laptop to the screen. Tiffany took the cable and plugged it to the port, making the presentation she had prepared for days appeared on the large screen at the end of the room.
Tiffany stood up from her seat and took some steps to the screen while holding a clicker, to begin her presentation. She emphasized the impact that had made by the activity they did in Lombok, she highlighted the progress and as what Taeyeon suggested, she also mentioned that they aimed for fifty percent growth and had successfully hit forty-eight percent to date. She continued her presentation with other supporting data and figures before ending it with a nervous smile. “Is there anything unclear, Sir and Madam?” She threw the question at the BOD.
Mr. David, the head of BOD cleared his throat and asked Tiffany to get back to the slide about aiming fifty percent growth. “You aimed for fifty percent, yet you ended up at forty-eight?” He asked.
“Thanks for the question, Mister David.” Tiffany answered almost immediately. Taeyeon also had warned her about the probable question that would be thrown at her. “True, that we aimed for fifty percent that was because based on the analysis, we believed that we could bring forty-five percent growth with the activity but we wanted to aim more that was why I pushed the team to get to fifty. Unfortunately we did not manage to get the optimistic number, but we surpassed the target already.”
Mr. David nodded at the answer. “So, what’s next, Taeyeon?” He shifted the question from Tiffany to Taeyeon.
“The historical number shows that we actually could aim for higher number.” She tapped on the slide which showing the chart telling that their sales in the area had flopped significantly in 2005, right after they managed to get the highest sales number in 2004, which almost double from what they reached after the activation. “The potency is there, Sir. And looking at how the activation could bring almost fifty percent growth within six month, I believe if we keep on continuing the bellow the line activation, we can manage to reach the same number as in 2004.” She answered confidently. “But I would like to propose some changes here and there.”
“Show me your proposal, then.” The other BOD replied to Taeyeon. Taeyeon excused herself to unplug the HDMI from Tiffany’s laptop to hers, and signaled her girlfriend to return to the seat as she took over the presentation.
Tiffany was seated on her previous chair as she watched Taeyeon delivering yet another flawless presentation. No matter how often she watched her girlfriend presenting, she was still absorbed at the way Taeyeon made the complicated proposal sounded and looked like a very tangible action to do.
“Can you send me your presentation so I can have another discussion with the BOD after this meeting.” Mr. David asked after Taeyeon finished the presentation.
“Sure. Thanks, Sir.” Taeyeon excused herself and sat to her previous seat, next to Tiffany.
“I think that’s all for today’s meeting. You can go back to your room. But I need to talk with Taeyeon for a moment.” Mr. David dismissed the meeting.
Jessica and Tiffany immediately left the room, leaving Taeyeon alone with the BOD.
“You’ve done great, Taeyeon. As expected from our brightest asset.” Mr. David spoke as soon as the two girls left the room.
“Thanks, Mr. David. But I am not the only one who did this. It was the team.” Taeyeon answered politely humble.
The man across her suddenly let out a heavy sigh. “Do you know that that’s one of your biggest talent? I mean, you’re a complete package. You have bright ideas, you have leadership in you, and you can also develop people. I always believe that your team is always in the chart of performing team because you can lead and develop them. You are a complete package, Taeyeon. Brain, beauty, behavior.”
“Thank you once again, Sir.” Taeyeon nodded still with the same polite and humble attitude.
“We were approached by SM Magazine.” Mr. David continued. “They asked us, whether they can have your profile on ’30 Under 30’.” He straightened his seat and looked at Taeyeon.
Taeyeon almost let out a loud gasp but she managed to embrace herself and only raised her eyebrows as a response. “Wow! That’s surprising.” She answered.
Mr. David smiled a little. “You are nominated under ‘marketeers’ category. Ministry of Women’s Empowerment also approached us, telling that you will also be nominated as 10 Indonesia’s Best Woman Leader.”
Taeyeon could only opened her mouth in disbelief. Ever since she dedicated her life to focus on her career, she had always dreamt of being nominated in SM Magazine ’30 Under 30’ and to know that the Ministry of Women’s Empowerment also will nominate her for Best Woman Leader was too much surprise she could accept at the moment.
“You know how prestigious the SM’s ’30 Under 30’ and also the Indonesia’s Best Woman Leader award, don’t you?”
“Sure, I know, Sir.” Taeyeon tried to answer calmly but excitement could not be hidden from her voice.
“And you also know that you won’t only bring your own name but also the company’s name, don’t you? You will be mentioned as Taeyeon Kim, Country Marketing Senior Manager of GG Corporation.”
“I know that, Sir.”
“We received the offer last Friday.” The head of BOD paused for a moment. “But this morning, I noticed that you and Tiffany uploaded something personal on your instagram, which made certain commotion in the office as you might already noticed.”
Taeyeon held her breath, knowing exactly where would the conversation going.
Mr. David let out another sigh. “I regret to tell you that we might decline the offer for your nomination because of that. We know that it has nothing to do with us as the BOD. But since you will bring company’s name, we don’t think it’d be wise to keep nominating you while you expose your preference in social media.”
“I-I…” For the first time in her life, Taeyeon got speechless in front of the BOD. She furrowed her eyebrows until it was possible for the to unify. “B-but…”
“We are sorry, Taeyeon.”
“But, Sir!” Taeyeon almost yelled at the man but she maintained to keep her voice not as loud as she intended. “There is no relevancy between my professional achievement and my personal preference.”
“Once your profile is all over the news, magazine, and internet, people will start to look up for your personal life, Taeyeon. That’s including your social media. You know how fast the words can travel in these era. People will know about your personal preference and it will affect your professional life not as Kim Taeyeon but as the Senior Manager of our company. And that will also affect this company reputation.” The man explained.
“But…” Taeyeon sighed dejectedly.
“We’re sorry, Taeyeon.”
“I understand, Sir.”
“That’s all we want to talk to you about. Now, you can back to your room.”
With that, Taeyeon stood up from her seat, packing up her laptop and walked out the room. She did not know what should she feel at the moment; disappointment, sadness, anger, confusion. She had been working for the company five years. She had dedicated her five years for the company. She put all her best effort, she developed the employees, she led her team to be the best performing team ever. And when all her hard work would be acknowledged for the first time, when there was a moment she could make her parents proud by her professional achievement, they were all crumbling down even before she could taste the sweetness. Life is unfair.
“Taetae?” Tiffany peeked over the half opened door of her girlfriend’s room. “Hi, you okay? You skipped your lunch and hadn’t came out from your room since the meeting finished.”
Taeyeon who was busy typing on some words into her presentation stopped for a while and gave small smile at her girlfriend. “Come in.” She asked weakly.
Tiffany frowned at the unusual gloominess from her girlfriend. She stepped in and closed the door before her. “Are you okay, Taetae?” She repeated the unanswered question.
Taeyeon only pushed herself a bit, making her chair had bigger gap from the desk and looked at her girlfriend with unreadable expression.
Confused at the unusual behavior, Tiffany put her belonging’s on Taeyeon’s desk and walked until she stood right next to Taeyeon. “Seriously, Tae. Are you okay?” Worry was visible on her face.
Instead of answering, Taeyeon stood up and silently wrapped her arms around Tiffany’s waist, she pulled Tiffany closed, making their bodies pressed together before burying her face in Tiffany’s shoulder. She closed her eyes and let out a loud sigh. No matter how much she distracted herself not to think about what the BOD told her earlier today, no matter how much she did not stop working since morning, even she skipped her lunch so she could put her mind on the works, she could not stop thinking about the chance that was slipped off her hands even before she could get a grasp of it.
“Taetae…” Tiffany still could not understand what happen to her girlfriend but she decided to soothed the latter’s back. “Hey, tell me what’s wrong.”
“Let me stay this way for a moment, please.” The shorter of the two requested.
Finding yet another side of Taeyeon she had not faced before, Tiffany only hummed in response and continued stroking Taeyeon’s back. After a while, Taeyeon finally pulled away from the hug and sat back on her chair, shutting down her laptop. “Let’s go home.”
Tiffany only nodded as she took her belongings from Taeyeon’s desk and waited for her girlfriend to finish packing. They then walked out of the already empty office. Taeyeon looked at her watch, noticing it was ten o’clock already.
“You waited for me until this late. You should’ve just went home first, Fany.”
“I am worried, Taetae.” Tiffany frowned.
“I am okay.”
Tiffany looked at her girlfriend, questioning what was actually happened to her girlfriend but she remained silent. They continued their walks until they finally reached Taeyeon’s car. Taeyeon stopped and looked at Tiffany.
“You’re not going to your car?”
Tiffany tilted her head. “You don’t want me to accompany you?”
Taeyeon sighed softly. “You’ve left your car in office parking since Friday night, Fany. You haven’t gone back to your place ever since.”
“So, you don’t want me to accompany you?” Tiffany repeated the question.
“It’s not that. It’s just…” Taeyeon let out another sigh.
“You’re always like this. Keeping everything by yourself. Why you never share to me? Is it because we are coming out? Do you want to take down the photos from the instagram?”
“No! It’s just…” Taeyeon furrowed her eyebrows, contemplating whether she should tell Tiffany about what the BOD said earlier. “I will tell you later. But not know. I need to digest something by myself first.” She mumbled in uncertainty.
Tiffany could not help but to frowned, feeling disappointed at her girlfriend who would not even tell what was actually happening. It was not the first time Taeyeon did this to her. In fact, it usually was one of the biggest causes of their argument during these six month. Tiffany would usually confronted Taeyeon to tell her but today, she thought that she would just let it go. Only for today.
“I am going home then. Take care, okay?” She leaned forward, about to kiss Taeyeon’s cheeks but the blonde pulled away. “Tae?” Tiffany felt rejected.
“We’re in office parking, Fany.” The blonde mumbled as she looked on her feet. She still had a lot in her mind related to what the BOD said to her. She did not get to be nominated because she came out, she somehow also worried if people saw them kissing, even though on the cheek, there would be another unexpected thing happen related to her career.
Tiffany shook her head and let out a loud huff. “I can’t understand you.” She looked at her girlfriend who still had her eyes on her feet. “I thought after you came out, we came out, you’re gonna be more open. But you won’t even let me kiss your cheek now?”
Taeyeon kept quiet.
“And you are always like this. You won’t tell me anything that bothers you. Do you even see me as your girlfriend?”
The silence answered Tiffany.
“So you won’t tell me what’s wrong? I just care about you, but if you don’t want me to, you can just say it instead of keep saying that you’re okay but you push me away. So, you don’t want me to care? OK, fine. I will leave.” Tiffany bursted out.
Taeyeon did not budge and did not say a thing about that.
“Seriously, Taeyeon?” Tiffany scoffed.
“I just need some time alone, Fany.” Taeyeon finally answered weakly. “I will tell you as soon as I feel a bit better.”
“So, I cannot make you feel better?” Tiffany snapped again.
“Why do you always push me?!” Taeyeon suddenly yelled back. “I will tell you but not now! I need time for myself for a while. Stop pushing me!” The petite boss finally lost her patience.
“Oh, so now you feel like I am pushing you?? Great!!” Tiffany scoffed sarcastically.
“What’s the matter with you???”
“Ask the question to yourself!!!” Tiffany answered while throwing her hands in the air before turned upon her heels and left. Even though they had been together for six months now, she still could not get used to this version of Taeyeon who always kept everything by herself. She knew something happened during Taeyeon’s meeting with BOD after she left the meeting room, and that must’ve been what was bothering Taeyeon’s mind but she could not accept the rejection she received. She walked faster to her car and got inside it as soon as she got there. She threw her bag and phone to passenger’s seat before igniting the engine when her phone rang, showing an ID she saved as ‘MINE’. She rejected the phone and turned it off. She did not feel like talking to Taeyeon at the moment. She leaned her back to the chair and palmed her face while letting out a frustrated groan which was muffled by her own hands which was covered her whole face.
“Stupid Taeyeon!!!! Stupid midget!!! Why can’t you understand that I care for you???!!!!!” She yelled inside the car, letting out her frustration.
“And me! Stupid me!!! How could you grow your feeling to that stupid midget! Argh!!” She kept rambling her thought when suddenly heard the passenger door of her cars slammed shut. She pulled her hand from her face and turned to her head, trying to find who just got in to her car.
“Who were you calling midget?” Taeyeon already sat beside her.
“Who else? It’s you!” Tiffany was still mad at her girlfriend.
“So I am a midget? And I am stupid?” Surprisingly Taeyeon’s voice was really gentle.
Tiffany stayed leaning on her back, closing her eyes while massaged her own temple trying to calm down her rage.
“I’m sorry, Fany.” Taeyeon finally said.
“What are you sorry for?” Tiffany still closed her eyes, feeling her rage slowly calmed.
“For yelling at you. For not telling you what happened.” Taeyeon answered.
“I don’t understand you.” Tiffany sighed.
“Which part of me that you don’t understand?” Taeyeon asked. She leaned to the seat rest on her right so she could face Tiffany.
“The part that related to our relationship.” Tiffany opened her eyes and took a glance at Taeyeon before positioned herself leaning on her left, facing Taeyeon.
“Why do we need to argue over silly stuff like this. I just wanted to know what’s wrong with you, Taetae. I want to make sure that you’re okay. I want to know what’s bothering your mind. But you shut me out, you even rejected my kiss. I thought after six months we’re together you can start to be open to me but apparently no. You never share your burden to me. I feel useless.” Tiffany stared at Taeyeon’s eyes.
“I hate myself.” Taeyeon mumbled as she laid on her back, no longer facing Tiffany.
Tiffany was surprised with Taeyeon’s remark. She really was angry to her girlfriend, but hearing Taeyeon said she hated herself was not something she expected. Tiffany unconsciously reached Taeyeon’s hand and soothed the blonde’s hand with her thumb. She started to feel guilty. She felt that she was not supposed to be angry at Taeyeon especially knowing that her girlfriend might had a rough meeting earlier today.
“You are right. I am a midget and I am stupid.” Taeyeon frowned.
“Tae?” Tiffany really did not understand the girl in front of her.
“Maybe I just do not deserve you, Fany. It has only been six months and how many times we’ve argued because of the same matter already?” Taeyeon bit her lips. Tiffany could see Taeyeon’s eyes were glistening.
“What do you mean?” Tiffany asked. She could smell where the conversation is going.
“I can’t be a good girlfriend for you.” Taeyeon asked with shaking voice. Tiffany hated it. She hated to see Taeyeon looked so fragile. She also hated the question asked by Taeyeon.
“What the hell are you talking about?” She felt the rage started to build up again. Taeyeon was shocked with the sudden rage.
“So, now you’re telling me that I chose the wrong person? Or are you asking for a break?” Tiffany had enough of this kind of argument with Taeyeon. Every time they argued, the latter always saying something that would lead to Tiffany’s disappointment like ‘I am not good enough for you’, ‘you are too good for me’, ‘maybe I am not the right person for you’, and else.
“Fany?” It was Taeyeon turn to shocked. She did not intend to break up with Tiffany. But she was just stating things that came up in her mind.
“This, Taeyeon! This is what I don’t understand about you!” Tiffany started to yell again. She managed to keep calm all these time every time they argued and she needed to hear Taeyeon saying something desperate. But she had enough of that and today, was the peak when she could no longer hold what was bottled up in her mind.
“I… I just…” Taeyeon knew she said something wrong. But she had no idea that Tiffany’s anger was the accumulation of how she seemed too easily gave up on their relationship.
“Why do I feel like I always be the one who fight in this relationship? Why do I feel like you’re too afraid to have this relationship? Why do I always be the one who need to hear those desperate things from you? ‘I am not good enough for you, Fany.’, ‘maybe I’m not the right person for you.’, and now, just now, I needed to hear another similar sentence, ‘I can’t be a good girlfriend for you.’ What the hell, Taeyeon?” Tiffany nearly screamed.
Taeyeon kept silent. She clenched her jaw, as she fisted her hands, feeling her nails started to dig into her palms.
“You were the one who told me that this wouldn’t be easy. But can you see now? Who is the one who actually not ready to be in this ship, Tae?” Tiffany felt the heat rushed to her eyes.
Taeyeon bit her lips in anger. None of those Tiffany said were wrong. Even though she was the one who indirectly announced their relationship on instagram but deep inside she still had this insecurity. And today, after she was informed that she lost one of her biggest opportunity, she started to feel afraid again. What would happen after this? She could not face other unexpected event that might happen related to their relationship. She did not get angry to Tiffany. She was angry at herself. She bit her lips harder as she contained her anger and tasted salty liquid in between her teeth. Tiffany noticed the blood slowly sipped through Taeyeon’s lips.
“Oh my God! Taetae!” She screamed as she reached Taeyeon’s lips tried to wipe the blood. Taeyeon backed away making Tiffany halted her movement. Taeyeon then wiped her blood with the back of her hand.
“Taetae?” Tiffany now felt bad as she saw Taeyeon. The usually intimidating boss had turned into a defenceless human being. Anger was shown in her eyes which also glistened with tears.
“Tae?” Tiffany called out her girlfriend again.
Taeyeon did not answer but her hand already on the door knob, preparing to leave Tiffany’s car. Tiffany quickly grabbed Taeyeon’s wrist to prevent the blonde leaving her car. “Fany…” Taeyeon finally spoke after feeling Tiffany’s grab on her wrist.
“I… You know… Maybe… From the start… We should not-…” Taeyeon’s sentence cut by Tiffany.
“Don’t you dare saying the words you’re about to say, Tae!” Tiffany tightened her grab to Taeyeon’s wrist making the latter flinched as it started to ache.
“Then how???” Taeyeon half screamed. “You said it yourself that I am the one who’s not ready to be in this ship. I am not Tiffany! I am not ready! There I admit it. Then how??” Taeyeon’s voice trailed as she let her tears dropped.
“Why can’t you fight for me? Fight for us?” Tiffany also let her tears drop. “Why don’t you say ‘what can we do to make it work?’ instead of saying ‘I am not good enough for you’? Why don’t you say ‘let’s learn to be a better person together’ instead of ‘you’re too good for me, Fany’? Why don’t you say ‘we are in this ship together, let’s fight together’ instead of ‘maybe I’m not the right person for you’? Why don’t you say ‘We’re far from perfect but let’s learn together’ instead of ‘I am not a good girlfriend.’ Can you do that, Taetae?” Tiffany pleaded.
“Why Fany? Why do you keep fighting for me? You can just leave this pathetic working machine who keeps repeating the same mistake? I’m not that worth to you. You deserve better.” Taeyeon’s voice was shaky as she could not stop her tears.
“So, that’s it? That’s what you want?” Tiffany released Taeyeon’s wrist and laid her back to the chair. “That’s it, Tae?” She closed her eyes.
Taeyeon kept silent. She did not want to break up with Tiffany. But in these six months, she noticed in every arguments, in every fights they had, it was always her who hurt Tiffany.
“You know what I admire from you as my boss?” Tiffany asked, still had her eyes closed as she clenched her jaw. “The way you fight for your team. I heard it from time to time, from other teams, from many people that in every BOD meetings, you always make sure that your team gets the best support from BOD. I heard how great your leadership is. I heard about how you develop your team from no one into someone who’s acknowledged by the company. I experience it myself, how good you are in developing people. You’re a fighter. You’re always a fighter when it comes to your job and your team. Why can you do that to the team and to your job? And why can’t you do the same thing to us? To our relationship?” Tiffany opened her eyes, but her eyes were empty. The last person she expected to disappoint her was Taeyeon. But here she was, totally got disappointed by her own girlfriend.
Taeyeon kept silent. She did not say a word. She felt like she did not have any right to talk at the moment. Tiffany was always the one who fight for her while she was always be the one who scared of a lot of things. Tiffany was always the one who kept this ship sail while she kept crushing it.
Tiffany noticed that Taeyeon did not say a word and finally opened her eyes, and turned her head to see her girlfriend. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe we should not do this from the start.” She gave up. Tiffany had finally given up.
“This is what you want, right?” She asked again but still not getting any reply from the blonde.
“I think this is what you want. OK then. We’re over. There. You get what you want.” Tiffany finally said it. Taeyeon hung her head low. She did not want it. But she thought as long as it made Tiffany no longer hurt, it might be the best for them. She knew that ending this relationship with Tiffany meant they could no longer back being friends like they used to be. But she had lived alone for as long as she remembered. Without close friends, without best friends, without girlfriends. She would just need a bit of time to adapt living her own old life back. It did not really matter to her as long as she could no longer hurt Tiffany.
“Can you get out of my car, Tae?” Tiffany sighed. Taeyeon did not say a word but pulled the door knob and leaving the car. Tiffany saw her boss walked to her own car. As soon as Taeyeon’s figure disappeared from her sight, she let out her cry. She really hated Taeyeon. The one who she thought would be the one who would catch her when she fell, turned out to be the one who made her fall.
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