Catch Me When I Fall (017)

[H] CMWIF 004

Life Goes On…

Tiffany was making a cup of tea in the pantry when she heard some employees passed by the pantry while talking about ’30 Under 30’ and an award from ministry of women empowerment. She took her cup and walked toward her office when she saw four people in front of Taeyeon’s office. Two of them held a DSLR camera each, while the other two put on serious expression, reading some notes in their hands.

 

“Hi,Tiff!” A high-pitched voice startled her, she almost spilled her tea.

 

“Gosh, Jess! Don’t startle me!” She almost yelled.

 

Jessica did not answer, yet she looked at where Tiffany’s eyes were; the four people in front of Taeyeon’s office.

 

“So,the rumor was right.” Jessica shrugged and walked inside her office.

 

Tiffany had her eyebrows furrowed upon hearing her senior and followed the older one.

 

“What rumor?” She asked once she got into the office and put the cup of tea on her desk.

 

Jessica was at her own desk, signing in to her laptop, not sparing a glance towards her junior. “Taeyeon is nominated for SM Magazine’s 30 Under 30 and an award from Ministry of Women Empowerment.”

 

Tiffany remembered what she just overheard in the pantry and could not help to frown upon hearing the news. It was not that she did not want to be happy for Taeyeon, she could not even understand what kind of feeling she felt at the moment. She knew she should be happy since Taeyeon’s achievement would mean company’s achievement as well. But there was something prevented her to be happy.

 

“You didn’t know?” Jessica’s voice made her look up at her senior who already had eyes on her.

 

“Nope,”Tiffany answered shortly and logged in to her laptop. “Do I need to know?” She could hear how bitter her voice was.

 

“She didn’t tell you?” Jessica asked again, shifting her eyes from her laptop toTiffany.

 

“Nope. Did she tell you?” Tiffany kept her gaze to the laptop, trying to put all her focus on the report she needed to work on while her mind was not anywhere nearher tasks.

 

“Nope.”

 

“We are on the same page then.” Tiffany closed her laptop again and looked at Jessica. “Can I take my work to the Chris’ place? I think I need some fresh air.”

 

Jessica knew exactly why Tiffany suddenly acted this way. She immediately closed her laptop as well. “Let’s go then. I need a glass of ice chocolate as well.”

 

***

 

“Miss Taeyeon, you seem nervous,” The photographer from SM Magazine chuckled as he saw how awkward the senior manager was.

 

Taeyeon smiled forcefully and rubbed the back of her neck. She was indeed nervous. She never really had any photoshoot session just like what she was having at the moment. “I am sorry. I am not used to.”

 

“It’s okay, no need to be nervous. Just relax.” The photograph said once more before aiming her camera back to Taeyeon.

 

Taeyeon was standing groggily in front of a bookshelf in her office. She wore a checkered dress, topped with black blazer. Her make-up was natural, and her straight blonde hair was curled perfectly at the bottom.

 

“Maybe you can put one hand on your waist. Don’t be too stiff, Miss Manager.” The photographer tried to help by giving instructions.

 

Taeyeon did as what the photographer asked. Snap after snap was taken until the photographer wrapped it up. Then the interviewer came to her, bringing her phone with her, apparently a recording app was opened.

 

“Let’s continue with the interview, shall we?” She asked as Taeyeon took a seat.

 

“Sure.”Taeyeon tried to put up her best professional smile and let the interviewer took a seat across her.

 

The interviewer pressed the record button and placed the device on the table between them.

 

“So, Miss Taeyeon, how does it feel to be nominated on ’30 under 30’? It’s been a very prestigious list all young people wants to achieve.”

 

Keeping a smile on her face, Taeyeon answered calmly. Handling the interview was way easier than being a model for sure. “It’s an honor for me. I never really imagined myself that I would be on the list. To be listed along with young entrepreneur who managed to grow their business was very amazing.”

 

“You are nominated under marketer category. The GG Corp. has grown significantly and it is now a company with highest brand awareness in Indonesia. Everyone who works for a company must know how hard it is to contribute to a company to finally get a huge recognition from the market. How do you manage to do that?”

 

Taeyeon shook her head gently and looked at the interviewer in the eyes. “It wasn’t me. No company would be success only because of one particular person. Company is a team. Everyone in the company needs to work together to make it work.” She took a pause for a while before continued. “My team is a dream team. They are always ready to make it happen. If my team do not want to work together with me and other people in the team, we wouldn’t make it.”

 

“I  see…” The interviewer stole a glance at the notes on her lap before continued. “There is a rumor saying that you’re a killer boss. Is that true?”

 

Taeyeon laughed softly and nodded. “Maybe.” She tried to stop her laugh and smiled again. “I am not easy to please, that’s what my team says. I am very detail person, and when it comes to number, I am very, very sensitive. Don’t ever mention any wrong number to me. That’s my hot button.”

 

The interviewer laughed at the answer. “How killer are you?”

 

“Hmmm…” Taeyeon tapped her chin as she tried to find the description. “That killer until my team was terribly panicked when I found out that she said I was cute in one of my Instagram post.”

 

Another laugh was escaped from the interviewer, followed by another question. “Are you also active on social media?”

 

Taeyeon’s smile almost faded upon the question. It reminded her about pictures she posted about Tiffany. “Nope,” She finally answered shortly.

 

“Can we have your social media account? Instagram, maybe?”

 

Taeyeon faked a laugh and answered with a fake smile. “You need to find it yourself. I am a mysterious person, you know?”

 

The interviewer laughed at the response. “Sure I will find it very soon, Miss Taeyeon. Let’s get back to the business talk, shall we?”

 

Taeyeon sighed in relief as the interview started to question her more about business related stuff. She could easily answer it, as flawless as how she usually delivered her presentation. After several questions, the interviewer closed the notes on her lap and smiled mischievously at Taeyeon.

 

“Last question,” She said. “This is the question all the people on the list needs to answer.”

 

“Okay. What is it?”

 

“Are you single?”

 

Taeyeon did not see it coming. She did not know that there would be a question like this in the interview. Her mind immediately jumped to one person who was no longer hers. If they did not break up, maybe she would answer that she was not single. But, if they did not break up, this interview might not happen in the first place.

 

“Yes,” She finally answered. “I just broke up.”

 

***

 

Tiffany was staring hard at her laptop screen, trying her best to keep focusing on what she is working on at the moment. All the charts and figures she was looking at somehow did not make sense at all. It was either because her team gave her wrong calculation for report or maybe it was more because she still could not stop thinking of the news she just heard.

 

So, Taeyeon is nominated for SM’s 30 Under 30 and an award from Ministry of Women Empowerment? How could I not know about this? Well, I am no longer her girlfriend, that is why she didn’t tell me, right? But how come everyone in the company knows it already? Even Jessica! At least she heard the rumor.

 

She sighed loudly at her own thought but keeping her gaze at the screen. She kept trying to put more focus on her work but her mind preferred the other wise.

 

Is this interview her reason to break up with me? Wait, I am the one who broke things off. Calm down, Tiffany. Why are you so worked up? Taeyeon is getting the fruits of her hard work. Aren’t you supposed to be happy for her?

 

“Tiffy?”

 

Jessica’s voice made Tiffany jerked up her head, it was obvious that her mind was somewhere else.

 

“Can you focus on your work?” Jessica who sat in front of her, staring at her with her usual cold expression.

 

Tiffany let out a sigh. “I am sorry…” She pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes. “Maybe I should get some coffee.”

 

“Or maybe you should put your personal business behind, at least in working hour. Taeyeon would not be happy if she finds some errors in the report she needs today.” Jessica added flatly.

 

Tiffany took a deep breath before opening her eyes and smiled helplessly at Jessica. “I know. I am sorry.”

 

“And after office, we can get dinner together. So, we can talk about whatever it is in your mind.” Jessica still spoke with the same cold tone, but Tiffany knew that her senior meant well.

 

“Thanks, Jess.”

 

“Never mind.” Jessica then got back to her works and Tiffany did the same.

 

She checked all the report she needed to send to Taeyeon today, there were some minor error made by her team. But in overall picture, it did not affect any significant number changes. She made some correction here and there, and was about to compose an email to Taeyeon, sending the report when her internal Instant Messenger popped out, showing her boss’ name: Kim, Taeyeon.

 

Kim,Taeyeon: Fany

Kim,Taeyeon: Do you have time today?

Kim,Taeyeon: Can we have dinner together later today?

 

Tiffany was just there staring at her screen as if the screen was the weirdest thing she ever saw in her life. She blinked and read the message once again. Usually Taeyeon only contacted her for asking the reports and presentations. Sometimes she asked updates about the project she conducted in Lombok. There was also that one time Taeyeon invited her for a team dinner but it was through email and was sent to all team member. But this was the first time after they broke up,Taeyeon contacted her personally for dinner. She reread the message again. The language was formal but Tiffany was somehow sure that the invitation was not for team dinner.

 

She was still staring at the message when another message popped out.

 

Kim,Taeyeon: There is something I want to talk about.

 

Tiffany’s mind was a mess right now. She reread the message again and again as she furrowed her eyebrows. She had no idea what Taeyeon wanted to talk about, but she could feel her heart beat a bit faster than usual. She tried to gather her mind altogether and took a deep breath before typing a reply.

 

Hwang, Tiffany: Is it very urgent?

 

She stole a glance at her senior, who was busy typing something in her laptop. She was contemplated at the moment. Jessica had offered her to get dinner together after office hour so she could tell what was bothering her mind but meeting up with Taeyeon was also tempting since Taeyeon was the one who bothered her mind. Also, this one month, she barely talked to her ex-girlfriend except for business matter.

 

 

She typed a reply:

 

“I think I have time for you”

 

She halted her finger’s movement before pressing enter and pressed the backspace instead.

 

“I think I have time”

 

She stopped again and thought for a while. She wanted to meet Taeyeon, she wanted to talk to Taeyeon. But the way they ended was not good and to remember all of those things, she could not lie and say she was totally okay. She secretly did not like to see that Taeyeon seemed to be just fine after their break up. She did not like to see that Taeyeon could live her life as if nothing happened while she struggled every day just to make sure she did not feel her heart break over and over again every time she saw Taeyeon at office. She was not okay and she did not want to make it easy for Taeyeon as well.

 

She deleted the whole sentence, changing it into a new one before finally pressing enter.

 

Hwang, Tiffany: Sorry, I can’t. I’ve another appointment today.

 

She let out another sigh which was the umpteenth for today. It didn’t go unnoticed by Jessica.

 

“Tiff?”

 

She immediately looked at her senior as if she was caught doing a crime. “I did nothing. It’s nothing related to Taeyeon.” She spilled fast and regretted her doing right after. It was too obvious.

 

Jessica took a deep breath and shook her head in disagreement. “After office hour, Tiff. We need to finish our report now.”

 

“Yes, I am sorry.” She sighed once more when her laptop dinged, notifying another message was coming into her IM. She frowned at the screen which showing Taeyeon’s reply.

 

Kim, Taeyeon: OK. Maybe next time.

 

She put her fingers on her keyboard, preparing to type another reply but the green button next to Taeyeon’s name had turned into grey, showing that the latter had signed off. She bit her lips, trying her best not to let out any sigh before closing the chat window.

 

What is it you wanna talk about, Taetae? Is it about us?

 

***

 

Taeyeon was in her office all alone, sitting at her desk, staring blankly at her laptop screen which showed a bunch of figures about the sales and marketing performance during the year. She just finished her photoshot session and the interview for both Ministry of Women Empowerment and SM Magazine. The last questioned she received from SM Magazine somehow still bothered her mind. After the interview all she could think about was only Tiffany.

 

Are you single?

 

Yes, I just broke up.

 

Her brain kept playing the answer she gave to the interviewer.

 

“Fany…” She mumbled the name of a person she kept thinking of. Today was not the only day she would think about Tiffany. As matter a fact, there was not a day she passed without thinking about the latter. No matter how much she tried to cover up with her professional attitude, no matter how much she acted like nothing happened, every single night, she would looked at one particular picture she deleted from her instagram. A picture of her and Tiffany in the bed. Her arms were around Tiffany’s waist. Her lips were kissing Tiffany’s cheek.

 

She took her phone from the desk and opened the gallery, looking for that one particular photo. She smiled sadly while staring at Tiffany’s eye smile, barely remember when was the last time she saw the pair of eyes that never failed to mesmerize her. She closed her eyes as her mind reminded her once more of the caption she put when she uploaded it on instagram.

 

Sleep over~~ ❤ #TYLTF #mygirlfriend #happy6monthsary

 

She looked at the calendar on her desk and noticing the date. Twenty-seventh. She closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. On twenty-seventh, one month ago, she took the picture with Tiffany and posted it on instagram, indirectly letting the world know that Tiffany was her girlfriend. On twenty-seventh, seven months ago, they were in Dufan, riding Bianglala and Tiffany asked her to be her girlfriend.

 

Twenty-seventh.

 

She could feel her heart ached at the realization if they never broke up, today should be their seventh monthsary. But here they were, barely speaking to each other except for business matter. It was as if they had become strangers all over again. If Taeyeon could choose, she would wish that they at least could go back to square one.

 

She furrowed her eyebrows, suddenly remembered a conversation they had at her very first sleepover in Tiffany’s place.

 

“You know that we can’t go back to square one, Taetae.”

 

“I don’t want to go back to square one either, Fany.”

 

“Eh? What do you mean?”

 

“When you said back to square one, the only thing in my mind was becoming the boring Kim Taeyeon again. I still wanna be your Taetae, so we can’t go back to square one. I won’t let us go back to square one. I am no letting go of my best friend.”

 

She could feel the heat rush to her eyes and a lone tear escaped from the corner of her eyes.

 

“I failed you repeatedly, didn’t I?”

 

She spoke to no one in particular. She was alone in her office and Tiffany was not with her.

 

“Is there anything I can do to get us back like how we used to be, Fany?”

 

She opened her eyes and stared at the picture in her phone. Looking at a pair of beautiful eye-smile, she smiled sadly.

 

“I told you that I wouldn’t let us go back to square one but look where we are. I am sorry, Fany. Is there anything that I can do to make us like we used to be?”

 

Staring at their picture together, she took a deep breath, trying to listen to her heart. It was a new thing for her who usually used logic instead of her heart.

 

It reminded her again about the conversation she had with Tiffany long before they were together.

 

“I am not really religious, Fany. But I believe God has His own reason for creating us with brain and heart. Brain to help us think logically, heart to lead us when logic fails to reason.”

 

“I was supposed to listen to my heart more often…” She regretted her past. She took another deep breath and closed her eyes, trying to listen to her heart again. Silently wishing this time, her heart would lead her to do something right for Tiffany, for them.

 

Her phone suddenly rang, a pop-up notification blocked the picture, saying that it was fifteen minutes to her next meeting today, with a world-wide agency who would work on the next year project in East Indonesia which would have Tiffany as the team lead. She dismissed the reminder and looked at the picture again.

 

“Everything in my life is now related to you, even my worklife.” She smiled. A sad smile.

 

“You know we can’t go back to square one, Taetae.”

 

Tiffany’s words rang in her ears again and at that moment, she did not stop herself when she opened her internal messenger, typed a name that always occupied her heart and mind and send a message.

 

Kim,Taeyeon: Fany

Kim,Taeyeon: Do you have time today?

Kim,Taeyeon: Can we have dinner together later today?

 

For no reason she could feel her heart beat fast after sending the three-line message and waited for a reply. It reminded her when she texted Tiffany from LINE messanger for the first time. The same giddy feeling she felt when she waited for Tiffany’s reply but this time, the feeling was a bit different because she knew even if a reply came, it would not be as warm as it used to be.

 

She waited and waited but there was no reply came yet. She stole a glance at the clock at the bottom corner of her laptop, noticing it was almost time for her to go for her next meeting and Tiffany had not replied yet. She decided to send another message to Tiffany.

 

Kim,Taeyeon: There is something I want to talk about.

 

Her eyes kept moving from the window chat to the clock, making sure she still had time to wait for the reply. And finally a reply she had waited come.

 

Hwang, Tiffany: Is it very urgent?

 

She could feel her heart cracked a bit at the reply. There was a reason why she only contacted Tiffany for business matter. She was afraid that Tiffany would act cold to her. She knew she was at wrong but she could not face the consequences. She was too afraid for that. She prepared herself to send another reply but she saw the window chat saying that Tiffany was typing a message so she waited until the girl finally sent another line.

 

Hwang, Tiffany: Sorry, I can’t. I’ve another appointment today.

 

She let out a dejected sigh and looked at the time again. It was time for her to leave her office and went to the meeting room. So, she typed a reply.

 

Kim, Taeyeon: OK. Maybe next time.

 

She hit the enter button, closing her laptop without waiting for anymore reply. It was obvious, Tiffany did not want to have anything related to her except for business matter. And there was a meeting for her to attend. She needed to be professional as usual and put her personal business behind, put Tiffany behind.

 

***

 

The two women sat across each other with a wooden table separating them. One had a cup of hot chocolate in front of her, while the other had a cup of jasmine tea for herself. The one with jet-black hair sipped her hot chocolate and grimaced a bit at the taste. It was not the best hot chocolate she ever had. Aunt Christine’s is still the best.

 

“So, what’s wrong with you today, Tiff?” The brunette who sat across her finally broke the silence.

 

Tiffany took another sip of her hot chocolate while looking around the room. She chose this cafe which was located not far away from her place and Jessica’s place. The place was pretty cozy, the music played was not too loud and the playlist was soothing eventhough it did not help to soothe her heart at all. There was another reason why she chose this place. The cafe was never too full. Only half of the room was filled and she chose the most secluded area in the cafe so she could converse freely with Jessica without worrying that anyone would listen to their chatter. And most importantly, she never visited this place with Taeyeon. She even stopped coming to Aunt Christine’s after the day she broke up with Taeyeon. She tried her best not to let her mind replayed the image of them together even though at the end of the day she would cry in her bed while watching the video of her and Taeyeon.

 

“Hello, Tiffy?” The brunette called out her name after not getting any response from the latter.

 

“Huh?” Tiffany puts down her cup and put her attention to Jessica. “What did you say?”

 

Shaking her head in disbelief, Jessica folded her arms on the table and leaned forward to Tiffany. “What’s the matter with you, Tiff? Seems like something bothering your mind and I believe it is related to Taeyeon. It feels like watching you the first week after you broke up with her. You don’t seem to be able to focus on anything.”

 

“I don’t know, Jess…” Tiffany sighed deeply, resting her back at the chair rest. “I can’t even understand myself.”

 

Jessica did not say a word, waiting for Tiffany to continue with whatever she had in her mind at the moment.

 

“I…” The black-haired woman paused for a while, trying to recognize her own feelings and translated them into words. “I am sad. I am angry at her. But at the same time I know I haven’t gotten over her. I…”

 

“You still love her…” Jessica finished the sentence.

 

Tiffany almost opened her mouth to argue what Jessica said but at the end, she only nodded in answer. There was no point of pretending anymore. She was tired of pretending she was okay. She was tired of putting on her strong facade. She did not want to hide it anymore. She wanted to show it all, and said she was not fine. She also wanted to let Taeyeon knew how much she resent her for making her feel this way.. But at the same time, she still wanted to feel all those feelings whenever she was with Taeyeon. How the butterflies inside her tummy went crazy, how her heart skipped a beat every time their skins touched, how warm it was to be in Taeyeon’s embrace, how every thing felt just right and nice.

 

“I…” Tiffany hung her sentence in the air. Her eyes shifted from Jessica to her cup of hot chocolate. “I still love her…” Her sentence sounded more like a whisper but she could feel her heart felt a bit lighter after saying it out. She smiled softly at the newly found feeling she felt. “I still love her, Jess.” This time she said it louder and she could feel the tears escaped from her eyes but she didn’t mind. “You’re right… I still love her.”

 

Jessica only smiled when Tiffany finally said it and even let the tears streamed down her cheeks. Even though she always demanded Tiffany to focus on her tasks at working hour, but she had been silently worried about Tiffany’s condition. After the break up with Taeyeon, Tiffany only cried once in front of her. That was when she told her that they broke up. After that, not a single day, Jessica ever saw Tiffany cried anymore. She could see the puffy eyes, the red nose. But other than that, Tiffany never talked about it anymore. Jessica somehow knew that Tiffany had put up her strong facade all the time after the break up and to finally see her honest feeling, to see Tiffany finally put off her strong mask.

 

“Do you want to get back together with her?” Jessica asked carefully.

 

Tiffany smiled in answer and shook her head while wiping her wet cheek. “No, Jess…”

 

“My question is, do you want to get back together with her? Not, are you going to get back together with her?” She repeated her question.

 

This time, Tiffany took sometimes to digest the question and smiled sadly. “Do I want to get back together with her?” She repeated the question and shrugged. “I don’t know, Jess. Don’t you think it’s not worth it? I mean, even if I want to, what difference would it make? Taeyeon is still Taeyeon. She is still the same person who, maybe, would never fight for this relationship. I’ve always been the one who wants to keep the relationships going. She still has a lot of insecurities in herself. She cares a lot about her career and our relationship might not bring her good.”

 

Jessica did not say a word. She believed Tiffany still had something to say.

 

“You can call me stupid or silly or whatever it is. But, honestly… when it comes to Taeyeon, I’ve stopped expecting anything. I used to be a person who wants to tell the world who my special someone is. But, if she wants it to be a secret, I no longer mind. As long as I know that I am hers, and she is mine, it’s enough. It’s more than enough. Just to know that we’re in this together is enough for me. No one else doesn’t need to know.”

 

“So? Do you want to get back together with her?” Jessica asked the same question again.

 

“I want to stay away from her. I know we will get to nowhere. Not in this condition. Taeyeon and her insecurities and now I can’t even understand myself, Jess. I am mad at her. I hate her. But at the same time, I cannot lie and say I do not love her. So, maybe the best thing for us is to put on some distance and live our own life.”

 

“Do you notice that you guys work together in a team? She is your boss, Tiff. It’s impossible for you not to interact with each other.” Jessica sighed after hearing Tiffany’s explanation. “Honestly, it’d be easier if you do not work together. You can easily stop interacting with each other. But since the fact that she is your boss, and you’re going to meet her every day, even you are responsible for one of the biggest projects at the moment, there is impossible to put on some distance just because you broke up.”

 

Tiffany frowned upon hearing Jessica’s explanation. Her senior was right.

 

“There is only two choices you have right now,” Jessica continued.

 

“First: deal with it. Face it, Tiff. You and Taeyeon are adults. You’re supposed to know that personal matter should not affect professional performance. Make peace with yourself and her.”

 

Tiffany took a deep breath and asked. “And the second option is?”

 

“One of you will need to resign. If personal matter affects your performance, you only need to wait whether she would resign or you would.”


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8 thoughts on “Catch Me When I Fall (017)

  1. POLA says:

    Speechless…
    Hahahaha
    Finally another chapter!!!!!
    Well I want to think positive and believe that none of them will give up their work because they have tried so much to be where they are they just have to talk.

    Like

  2. Black457 says:

    Oh? Idk…I’m speechless. I know that feeling well, really. Hahaha what is this…
    Okay, the most important thing is you’re comeback with another chapter haha…
    I can’t wait for the next chapter, fighting!!!!

    Like

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