It was a cold, cloudy night when the stars could not shine. Midnight had since passed already and silence had taken over. The universe seemed to understand that a pair needed to finish the unfinished. Time gave them the rest of the moon’s embrace before the sun drifted the lovers away from each other.
Tiffany had just finished showering and she was already wearing her pink pajamas, a sign that that she was ready for bed whereas Taeyeon was still in her loose T-shirt and jeans, sitting on the left side of the bed. The latter’s eyes followed the girl in pink pajamas’ every move; Taeyeon did not want to miss even a slight movement as if Tiffany was the most precious sight she had ever seen. Tiffany applied her night cream and combed her beautiful, silky hair before she finally walked towards the bed, not noticing Taeyeon’s gaze which never left her. The former carefully slipped her body under the duvet, pulling it until it was covering her body from her feet to her chest and then she closed her eyes. Taeyeon followed the girl’s actions and laid down beside her girlfriend, not covering herself with the duvet.
“Tae, do you know how much I miss you?” Tiffany suddenly said without opening her eyes. The named girl turned her head to the right, watching Tiffany’s side profile, yet her girlfriend still had her eyes closed, not even sparing Taeyeon a look.
“I know, Fany… I know because I miss you as much,” Taeyeon sighed at her lover’s confession.
“Do you know how miserable I get when you’re not around? I’m a mess, Tae. I’m losing my grip; I’m crazy. I’m so stupid for letting myself drown in your love. If I had known that it would end like this, would I have stopped myself from falling deeply in love with you from the start?” Tiffany went on.
Taeyeon’s heart broke at the thought of Tiffany not loving her.
“But again, I’m crazy, Tae. Even if I could turn back time, I would choose to fall in love with you all over again. Your love was one of the best things that I ever had in my life. Our love was a perfect scenario planned by God, a tale I believe would have had a happy ending until it happened.” Tiffany’s voice cracked at the end of sentence.
Taeyeon frowned at that; she turned her head away from Tiffany and diverted her gaze to the ceiling where glow-in-the-dark stickers had been plastered in the shape of the Pisces and Leo constellations.
“I’m sorry, Fany,” Taeyeon mumbled.
“Can I stop loving you, Tae?” Tiffany asked in a barely audible whisper.
“Can I beg you not to?” Taeyeon’s shaky response showed that she was trying her best not to break down. She heard a sigh from Tiffany.
“You know I can’t stop loving you, don’t you? I hope you won’t stop loving me as well. What can I do without you, Tae?” Tiffany’s eyes were open now as she stared at the ceiling as well.
“Every single night from the moment you were no longer here to hug me to sleep, all I could do was just stare at the ceiling, at our constellations. Wishing you were here with me and that we were side by side like our constellations there.” Tiffany smiled sadly, her stare never leaving the constellations.
“I am here, Fany. I am here.” Taeyeon was nearly crying.
“But, Tae… Things are a lot harder in the morning. When I open my eyes and cannot see your sleeping face in front of me, I break down. Thankfully, a morning shower helps me calm my feelings a bit. But when I have my breakfast cereal, I break down again. Remembering how you would lecture me about eating cereals instead of a healthy breakfast and then you would make me the most delicious breakfast to replace my cereal. Drinking a cup of hot chocolate helps to bring my mood up, though. Then, when I am about to leave this house, supposedly our house, to go to work… I long for your ‘have a nice day’ kisses. What can I do, Taetae?” Tiffany’s eyes started to become teary.
“Fany-ah…” Taeyeon’s first tear of the night fell. She really wanted to hug the broken-hearted girl beside her but she couldn’t. She could not.
“It’s hard, Tae… It is… But it makes me love working even more. I spend my whole day in the office, working until late at night just like I did today. I work so hard as if there’s no tomorrow. Because I really wish that tomorrow wouldn’t exist.” Tiffany closed her eyes again, pressing her lips together, trying her best to keep talking although she was on the edge of breaking down. Taeyeon turned herself to the right to face the love of her life, the lover she had unintentionally left.
“Yes, I wish tomorrow would never come. Because when tomorrow comes, I know the same pain in my heart will start all over again from the moment I open my eyes.” Tiffany opened her eyes, allowing a tear to flow from the corner of her eyes. The same pair of eyes that had once formed crescents every time she smiled at her lover had turned into the saddest reflection of her heartbreak.
“Yesterday was supposed to be our wedding, Tae…” Tiffany did not mind letting her flowing tears wet her pillow; her tears could not find its way to stop.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Fany… I’m…” Taeyeon’s apologies were cut by her lover’s next sentence.
“And right now we were supposed to be on our honeymoon, celebrating our new path of life. But… No, we are not.” Tiffany barely managed to let her voice out as the emotion took over every part of her body. The heartbreak she experienced from the moment Taeyeon left her had eaten her up from the inside, leaving indescribable pain that had begun to swallow up her voice as she spoke.
“Fany… You know I did not…” Taeyeon tried to speak but again, she was cut off by the other.
“Do you remember how hard we fought for our relationship to be accepted by our friends, our parents, and the whole family? Do you remember when you proposed to me and I excitedly answered ‘yes’ a thousand times and screamed at the top of my lungs to let the whole world know that the love of my life had just asked me to marry her? Do you remember the hardships we went through to finally receive their blessings for our marriage? Do you remember how we worked like there was no tomorrow to collect enough money for our wedding in the States and to buy this house? Do you remember how sweet and beautiful our rocky road was as we intertwined our hands together, walking side by side to get our way to the gate of our marriage? I remember all of it, Tae. And I know I won’t ever be able to forget. No, Tae… I choose not to forget.” Tiffany was breathless when she finished. The memories were too strong to be ignored. The pictures of their journey played in her head as if it had been just yesterday that they did it all.
“Fany, could you please let me explain? Please… I beg you…” Taeyeon’s baby-like face was wet with tears. Her heart shattered into pieces as she saw her one and only love break down like a rag doll.
“Taetae… Kim Taeyeon… I really couldn’t wait to change my name to Kim Miyoung. Yes, Tae. Kim Miyoung… You know I hate my Korean name. Tiffany sounds better than Miyoung. But Tiffany doesn’t match well with Kim. Kim Miyoung sounds much better and because it fits your name well, I don’t mind people knowing me as Miyoung as long as it is Kim Miyoung.” Tiffany ignored Taeyeon’s earlier request, continuing on with her rambling thoughts because that was the only way she could break away from the wounds that had been left in her heart.
“Kim Miyoung… My Miyoung… Please stop… Let me say something.” Taeyeon begged.
“But, Tae… It seems that destiny chose otherwise. Kim Miyoung was not meant to be. That was why you left. No, no. You didn’t leave me.” Tiffany shook her head weakly.
“Yes, Fany… You know I wouldn’t leave you. You know I always wanted to be by your side until…” Taeyeon was not able to finish her sentence.
“You didn’t leave me, Tae… I know… You said that you would always be by my side until…” Tiffany repeated Taeyeon’s sentence.
“Until death do us apart,” the two of them said in unison.
“I know, Tae…” Tiffany whispered.
“Thanks, Fany…” Taeyeon smiled in relief at that.
“Are you happy up there, Taetae?” Tiffany asked while smiling up at the Pisces constellation on the ceiling; she was smiling that beautiful eye smile that her lover always loved to see.
“Not yet, Fany. I’m still here beside you. But I will go up there soon. As soon as we finish this.” Taeyeon answered lovingly.
“Don’t play around with the beautiful angels, Taetae. You know how jealous I can be.” The fact that Tiffany had started to joke showed that she was slowly being cured of a potential break down.
“I won’t. I will be waiting for you to be one of heaven’s angels. And I will fall for you all over again, Fany.” Taeyeon couldn’t stop smiling. If Tiffany could hear her reply right now she would complain her cheesy line.
“Tae, let me move on, would you? You know I love you so much, but you also know that I have to keep going on with my life, right? You will let me, won’t you? I want you to be peaceful up there, so I want to start a new life. I want to take the first step to get back to my life. I don’t want you to be worried about me from up above,” Tiffany said.
“Yes, dear. Please do… Please… My heart can’t take it every time I see you living in despair. Please live your life happily from now on.” Taeyeon knew it was hard for them to let go of each other but it was what was best for them.
“I will never forget you but I need to move on. I know you won’t forget me as well but you need to rest in peace, Tae. So, should we bid each other farewell now, Tae? Thanks for everything, Taetae… Thank you so much…” Tiffany let a final tear fall as she sealed the night with a peaceful smile.
“You’re welcome, dear. Thank you… Thanks for letting me go,” Taeyeon replied as her body began to slowly vanish.
“I love you, Taetae. See you someday when death brings us back together again.” Tiffany closed her eyes, a smile still on her face.
“I love you too, Fany. See you someday when death brings us back together again.” Taeyeon repeated.
“I know you love me too, Tae… See you…” Tiffany ended her soliloquy as Taeyeon faded away into the night’s shadow.
It was a cold, cloudy night when the stars could not shine. Morning was already near and silence had taken over. The universe continued to revolve, running the wheel of life. Time had given a pair what they had needed as the moon slowly withdrew itself for the sun to rise from the east side of realm.