#nowplaying: Light Up The Sky – Girls’ Generation
The sun rays were filtered through the large window in the room. Even the thick curtain could not stop the light to invade a certain body on the bed who had her eyes fluttered as she was taken away from her slumber. She furrowed her eyebrows before finally opened her eyes, letting out a soft yawn and stretched out her limbs. After feeling like all her soul was already inside of the body, she stared at the ceiling and smiled at the realization where she was at the moment.
Her mind wandered at one person she had missed for five years of her journey of reaching her dream. She left Seoul when she was twenty-two, pursuing her music career as a singer in States. The competition was too hard in Korea and she needed to compete with much younger artists and girl groups. So, she decided to continue her music career in the US, leaving her hometown, leaving her comfort zone, leaving the love of her life.
She reached out for her phone on the nightstand and unplugged the charger, scrolling through her gallery, and stopped at the folder titled “TaeNy ”. The corner of her lips curved upward as she tapped on the folder and looked at the pictures of two girls together.
Are you still in Seoul, Taetae?
Her thumb kept moving as the gallery showed one picture to another until it reached the last picture she took on the day of her departure. Both girls had puffy eyes and red noses, signing how hard they cried before taking the picture. Her hair was brunette while the other girl had blonde hair, grinned wide despite the traces of tears on her cheeks were too visible to hide the sadness she had to take to let go of her girlfriend.
Her smile slowly faded as she recalled how hard it was for her after she started her career in States. At first, both girls tried their best to keep in touch. They always had video calls every night, despite the time difference. As Tiffany’s schedule got packed and Taeyeon also had her own job to take care, the call slowly reduced into once a week, once a month, once every three months, and finally it stopped after she lost her phone in the airport on her way to one of her gigs in Seattle. Once she got a new phone she immediately restored all the data she had in her laptop. Unfortunately, she did not back up any phone number. She then tried to log in to her email to send an email to Taeyeon but apparently, she forgot the password of the email she had since she was in high school. After she made a new account and sent an email, she never got any replies from the latter.
It was difficult for me, Tae.
Her eyes started to get teary, remembering how hard she tried to contact her girlfriend but never once got a word from the latter. Time went on as she continued to work hard in achieving her dream. Taeyeon was slowly forgotten and was not her priority anymore but there were days when she was at her lowest and cried inside her luxurious apartment, silently wishing that Taeyeon was with her, giving a warm hug and soothing words like she always did when they were still in Seoul together. And every time that happened, it only urged her not to let go of the memories they had made because just by remembering the moments they were together, it gave her strength to keep going on. Even now, after five years, after she had achieved what she dreamt of, after she now glowed with fame and wealth, she still held on the memories.
Can I see you today? There are things I want to say if we meet again, Taetae.
The smile reappeared on her face as she locked the phone and got off the bed, taking her way to the bathroom, preparing herself for today’s show. A special show she had waited for these five years: Tiffany’s World Tour in Seoul.
The lighting was on point, her outfit was on point, her hair was on point, her make up was on point. Everything she and the crews had prepared was on point. She could hear the loud music of her opening VCR from the back stage and how the people screamed out her name. She could feel her heart beat as loud as the bass that was thumping, making her adrenaline pumped up as a wide smile appeared on her face. The curtain was opened, blinding lights shot her and the crowd screamed even louder, chanting her name in Korean accent. She flashed her famous eye smile before taking a deep breath and sang her debut song as the opening song.
She finished her first song with a very loud cheer from the audience. She smiled even wider at how the crowd response, feeling welcomed.
“안녕하세요! 티파니입니다!” She purposely introduced herself in Korean and received yet another loud cheer. She chuckled at the cheer and talked a bit more before continuing to the next song. After she sang ten songs with a break to change into another outfit the crew had prepared, finally it was time to talk more to the fan, she could see the timer in her monitor, showing the countdown for her five-minute talk with her fans. She stood in the center of the stage, putting on her eye smile and greeted the fans once more.
“Do you guys know that I am Korean?” She spoke in Korean and immediately got a yes as the answer. She laughed softly and nodded at the answer.
“I am happy to be home again.”
Some “aawww” could be heard from the crowd, making Tiffany chuckled.
“Five years ago…” Her eyes tried to scan the audiences, secretly wishing that she could find one particular figure that she had missed during her leave. But to her dismay, with all the lights and crowd before her eyes, she could not see anything clearly.
“I decided to leave Seoul to reach my dream as a singer. I was too old to compete with young girl group here.”
The audience laughed at her remarks and she laughed along before continuing her talk.
“Leaving Seoul meant I needed to leave my home, some of my family and relatives, my friends, and my heart.”
The audience let out a loud “aaww” once again.
“Ever since I left five years ago a lot of things have changed. I am no longer an ordinary girl who usually sneaked out at night only to have a date in Han River with my special someone.”
The cheer got louder, even one of the audience yelled, “You can go to Han River with me instead, Noona!”
Tiffany cackled before winked at the direction of the fans’ voice and teased him. “I am not sure you can handle me.” Earning a loud laughter from the rest of audience.
“Things have changed a lot. But apparently, some things are destined not to change at all.” She paused for a while, looking at her fans from one side to another, feeling warmth in her heart as she was now in her home. “My love to this city, to this country, has never changed, that is why Seoul is the very first city in my world tour list. Even though I didn’t debut here, but to finally come back home is a feeling a can’t describe with words.”
The scream got louder as she mentioned that.
“Also, like what I mentioned before, I left my heart here in Seoul. I have a message for that person.” The crowd cheered and shouted in curiosity at who the special person was. She let out a soft laugh even though she could feel the heat in her eyes, a sign that she might cry just by spilling it out. She took a deep breath and smiled wider than before as the thought that Taeyeon might be there among the audience presented in her mind.
“To the one who had kept my heart for as long as I can remember, I haven’t changed at all, I am still the cry baby who loves your cheesy pickup line. I am sorry that we drifted apart, I am sorry that I had tried to forget you. But at the end of the day, I just can’t let you go. I believe we will meet again and when that time finally comes, I hope you and your heart haven’t changed and you won’t let me go again.”
Louder “aaww” could be heard this time. It was the very first time Tiffany talked about her personal relationship to the public. She always had her way to escape from the questions regarding to her personal matter, relationship included. But since she was home, since this was the place where her heart was, she did not mind spilling it out, with a wish that the person was really in this concert and heard everything she said.
“Ah, you might not expect me to be this cheesy, right? Now let’s continue to party!” She ended her talk and with her cue, the music blasted out her latest song.
“Tiffany?” A man’s voice followed with a soft knock on the door startled Tiffany who was already in her casual attire, preparing herself to get back to the hotel after the concert. She was in the middle of looking at Taeyeon’s Instagram profile. The profile picture and the bio were the only thing she could see since the girl set her Instagram as private. And it was impossible for her to send a following request because it would make a huge fuss. Her fans tracked every single thing activity she had, including what she did on social media. Every time she followed someone on Instagram, a moment later, it would be a viral news about it. It also happened to every post she liked. She did not want to bother Taeyeon with that, so she never sent a following request. She once tried to make a personal account only to follow Taeyeon but her fans were too observant and within weeks, her personal account was found out and she needed to delete it.
“Tiffany?” Another knock was heard.
“Ah yes!” She immediately stood up and opened the door to find her manager there.
“The car’s ready.”
“Okay.” She took her belongings and followed her manager to the car. On her way to the car, she met the fans who waited outside, screaming out her name over and over again. Cameras also everywhere, be it medias’ or fans who usually posted high-quality pictures of her on their SNS.
She waved at her fans every now and then and before she got to the car she made a huge heart on her head with her arms and bowed deeply, earning a louder cheer from them. Once she got seated in the car, she opened the window and waved some more before the car left the venue.
“The response was amazing.” The manager said as she smiled warmly at Tiffany.
Smiling in relief, Tiffany nodded and thanked the man.
“And who is that special person you mentioned in your five-minute talk? This is the first time you really mentioned you really have special someone.”
Tiffany chuckled and looked at the man, smiled at the thought of Taeyeon. “The person who knows me the best in this world, Oppa.” She then averted her gaze out of the window, watching the view of her hometown, and smiled wider.
We know each other the best in this world, right? Taeyeonie.
She found herself stood on the stage once again. Smile presented on her face while holding a microphone in front of the crowd.
“Thanks for coming today. Any of you came to my concert yesterday?” She asked the crowd, earning a loud yes from the audience.
“Whoa! I can see most of you came to my concert. I am so thankful.” She made a shape of a heart using her thumb and index finger before winked playfully.
“In today’s fan sign, I wish I can talk a lot with you. Let’s chat and have fun together!” She bowed and took her seat gracefully, putting the microphone down and took the marker that was prepared.
The fan sign event went smoothly. She received a lot of presents from the fans. She was touched at the choices of gifts she received. Most fans knew that she loved pink and the box underneath the table was already filled with a lot of pink stuff. Occasionally, she stole a glance at the line of the crowd who was waiting for their turn to get a chance talking to her and got an autograph for her latest album. No matter how silly it was, she wished Taeyeon would be among them. But she still could not find the girl no matter how hard she tried to look.
The fan sign was held for only an hour, and the time flew without her knowing. The crew had stopped the line to add up. She only needed to greet a couple of fans who got the last chance to talk to her. She just finished talking and shaking hands with one of the fans when the next person in the line put a vanilla-scented candle, wrapped in pink ribbon on the table. When she looked at the present, her heart skipped a beat.
The memories rushed back into her head. Only one person knew the story about the vanilla-scented candle that always helped her to get a peaceful sleep when insomnia hit her. Only one person who always gave her that particular present. Before she could react or looked at the person who stood in front of her, another thing was put on the table: a picture of two girls hugging in the yard of her high school, wearing graduation robes, celebrating their graduation. One was a brunette, while the other was blonde.
She blinked her eyes repeatedly, as the tears started to form. She kept staring at the picture and noticed that there was a small hand writing on the top corner of the picture: “우린 세로를 세상 제일 잘 알잔아”
“Yesterday someone said she had a message for me, so I come to see her today.”
The melodious voice she had not heard for a very long time filled her ears and she finally looked up to see the person. Taeyeon was in front of her, flashed the same wide grin she had familiarized with for as long as could remember.
Tiffany froze in her seat, as a lone tear rolled down her cheek. The love of her life, the one she missed along her journey in States. The one she had wished to see ever since she arrived in Seoul was in front of her. The blonde hair had changed to jet black, complementing the pale milky-white skins. The slightly chubby cheeks had replaced by the distinct jaw line. But the dimple on her chin that appeared every time she grinned hadn’t changed a bit. The melodious voice that always soothed her was still the same. The gentle and affectionate gaze that kept her falling repeatedly was still the same.
Tiffany’s lips trembled but the smile slowly formed on her face.
“Tiffany-ssi, can I hold your hand? I’ve always wanted to hold your hand again ever since you left to the US.” Taeyeon mimicked how most fans talked to her while offering her hand to be held by Tiffany. Her cheeks were wet already as tears kept rolling on her cheeks.
Instead of taking the hand, Tiffany stood up and pulled Taeyeon into her embrace, burying her face in the latter’s shoulder.
The crowd gasped loudly at how their idol suddenly hugged a stranger. Murmurs could be heard, mostly questioning about what happened. Some fans even took out their phones and record the video of it.
“Taetae…” She whispered in between her sobs. “It’s you, isn’t it?”
Taeyeon chuckled a bit as she returned the hug. “It’s me, Miyoung-ah.”
The familiar name made her chuckled but she had not let go of Taeyeon.
“I missed you. So much.” More tears wet Taeyeon’s t-shirt as Tiffany tightened the hug.
“Hey, you have an image to uphold, Miyoungie. Stop crying and let me go. There are some fans behind me.”
Tiffany hesitantly let go of Taeyeon and carefully wiped her tears, making sure her make up wasn’t ruined. “Don’t go anywhere.”
“I will stay until you finish,” Taeyeon assured as she patted Tiffany’s shoulder but then pointed at the picture she put on the table. “Now, could you sign this picture for me, Tiffany-ssi?”
Tiffany chuckled and signed the picture, adding a sentence below her signature: “변하는 것은 세상에 많지만. 영원히 변치 않는 것들도 있어. 사랑해.”
She then gave the picture back to Taeyeon while staring hard at the grinning girl. “Don’t leave.”
Taeyeon nodded without hesitation before moved from her spot, giving the chance to the fans to get Tiffany’s autograph.
Tiffany impatiently waited in the car. The car had left the fan sign venue but instead of bringing her back to the hotel, it took a turn on a small coffee shop nearby. It had been almost an hour and her manager hadn’t gone back to the car. Tiffany was getting impatient and was about to call the manager when she looked at the window and smiled wide watching two people walked as fast as they could. One man, and one petite girl who tried her best to match the pace of the tall man. She immediately opened the door and scooted over to give some space to the new comer, while the manager took the front seat.
Taeyeon immediately got in and closed the door before turned her head, meeting Tiffany’s eyes right away.
Without saying anything, Tiffany hugged Taeyeon once again and this time even tighter than when she was on stage. Taeyeon returned the hug without hesitation and both girls started to sob, the longing feelings they had buried in these past years started to be paid off. Taeyeon’s warmth brought back all the memories they had before the separation. The faint vanilla scent filled Tiffany’s nose. The comfortable and secure feeling she always felt every time she hugged Taeyeon was back and she could not seem to stop crying in Taeyeon’s embrace.
The manager asked the driver to start driving them off to the hotel without commenting about what he had witnessed.
Fingers intertwined as the owners shared the most intense stare they could share. They were in Tiffany’s hotel room, sitting next to each other while holding hands on Tiffany’s bed. The feeling was overwhelming. Both girls could not seem to stop crying ever since they got in the car and never let go of each other hands until they reached the room.
“Miyoungie…” Taeyeon broke the comfortable silence between them.
Tiffany said nothing but keep staring at Taeyeon’s eyes, silently telling Taeyeon to continue what she wanted to say.
“What for, Taeyeon?”
“For still remembering me.” Taeyeon smiled softly. “I thought you’ve forgotten me.”
“I thought you’ve forgotten me too. You never replied to my email.”
“Email?” Taeyeon raised her eyebrows in confusion.
“I sent you emails but you never replied.”
“But I never received any.”
“I swear, I sent it. I can show you the sent item. I rarely sent email so it won’t be hard to find the email.” Tiffany then took her phone with one hand, not releasing Taeyeon’s hand in her other hand. Scrolling her phone she then showed Taeyeon the emails she sent.
Taeyeon squinted her eyes, trying to take a better look at the email and laughed after a while.
“What is it?” Tiffany took back her phone and read the email she sent, not finding anything funny.
“My account is “taeyeonkim_”, Miyoung-ah. It’s not “taeyeon_kim”. Of course, you wouldn’t get any replies. If that account found out it was you who sent her emails, she would be very happy.” Taeyeon chuckled as she watched Tiffany’s eyes almost popped out at the realization.
“But I am here now, aren’t I?” Taeyeon smiled wide while giving a gentle squeeze at Tiffany’s hand. “So, how are you, Miyoung?”
Tiffany finally let out a soft sigh. Putting her phone on the table and took her another hand away from Taeyeon before spreading her arms wide. “I still miss you. Hug me.” She requested with a pair of puppy eyes.
Taeyeon chuckled and hugged Tiffany right away. They stayed like that for a while until Tiffany finally pulled away a bit, only to land a kiss on Taeyeon’s cheek.
Taeyeon was taken aback by the kiss and looked at Tiffany questioningly.
“Why?” Tiffany noticed the stare and was afraid she did something wrong.
“Are we… uhm…” Taeyeon cleared her throat “Are we still an item?” She looked at Tiffany while biting her bottom lip, also afraid that she would ruin the rendezvous.
“Are we not?” Tiffany asked back.
“I don’t know. I mean… we lost contact for five years. I don’t know if we are still one item or not.”
Tiffany broke the hug and looked at Taeyeon with an unreadable expression. “Are you dating someone at the moment?”
“Did you date someone when I was gone?”
“Of course not! Have you?”
“Of course not!”
Both girls then laughed at the stupid argument. Taeyeon scooted closer and cupped Tiffany’s cheeks. “I thought since we never really broke up. Why would I date someone else?”
Tiffany put her hands on top of Taeyeon’s and pouted. “Silly. What if I never came back? You would be an old celibate.”
“I know you will be back.”
“How could you be sure? It’s been five years, Taeyeon.”
“We know each other the best in this world, Miyoung-ah. I can’t explain but I always know that you will be back sooner or later. I know you’re gonna leave again. But you will be back again eventually.”
“Now you’re not entirely right.” Tiffany smiled and turned her head a bit to kiss Taeyeon’s palm. “Five-year ago, I told you that I was going to leave to pursue my dream. This time, I would ask you to come with me, stay with me day and night. I will never let you go again. I want to be with you.”
Taeyeon did not expect this coming from her long-lost girlfriend who had been a huge star worldwide.
“I still love you, Taetae. If only you know that these five-year, every time I was at my lowest point, I recalled all the time when we were together. I remembered your cheesy yet encouraging words and that had always successfully kept me going on. I don’t want to spend another year or even another day to do that again. I want you to be there for me like the days we were together.”
Taeyeon bit her lower lip again as the tears rolled on her cheek.
“Stay by my side, Taetae. Day and night. Until the end of the world. I will be sure to do that as well. Until the end.”
Taeyeon was still speechless. And Tiffany started to be afraid that Taeyeon might say no and she needed to live the same life she had these five-year, longing for Taeyeon every single day of her life.
“Taeyeon-ah… Please don’t leave me.”
Taeyeon blinked a couple of time, and finally smiled before leaned forward and pressed her lips against Tiffany’s.
Tiffany felt week all of a sudden as their lips met. Taeyeon’s lips still fit hers well. She closed her eyes and started to reciprocate the kiss. The way Taeyeon nibble her upper lip, the tug on her lips, the swipe of her tongue. She felt like it was her first kiss again. Both girls finally broke the kiss when their lungs screamed for some air.
Slowly opening her eyes, Tiffany could see Taeyeon grinned shyly in front of her.
“It feels like a first kiss,” said the pale girl.
Chuckled at the remark, Tiffany then took one of Taeyeon’s hands and squeezed it gently. “So? Was that a yes?”
Taeyeon nodded shyly only to be pulled into another hug by Tiffany. “Thank you, Taetae.”
“Miyoungie… There is something I haven’t told you.”
Tiffany pulled away and looked at Taeyeon. “What is it.”
“I haven’t said ‘I still love you too’.” A wide smile painted on Taeyeon’s face as she uttered the words.
“Silly.” Tiffany could feel her cheeks heated at the confession and pressed her lips against Taeyeon again. This time, she did not need to be afraid to be alone again on her journey. Taeyeon would always be there with her.
This time, everything will be much better. Thank you, Taeyeon-ah…
안녕하세요! 티파니입니다!: Hello! I am Tiffany!
우린 세로를 세상 제일 잘 알잔아: We know each other the best in this world
변하는 것은 세상에 많지만. 영원히 변치 않는 것들도 있어. 사랑해.: There are many things that change in the world. But there are things that never change. I love you.